Lost in Translation
by Bulmaveg-Otaku
Summary: F!Shrios fluff, A look at how an alien perspective might see the mess that is human intimacy. Thane tries to do his homework and figure out the best way to woo Commander Shepard, but he isn't quite prepared for the things he discovers. Written for the Aria's Afterlife Forum Valentine's Contest.


**AN: This story is written for the Valentine's Contest on Aria's Afterlife forum. It's sweet, and simple and I'm a little bit in love with it. Could this take place in my "Sympathy for the Devil"-verse, you bet. In fact, I like to think it did, but if there are any Thane-shippers reading this that want to insert their own Shepard that totally works, too. **

**_Aboard the Normandy, Life Support, 2185_**

_"Maybe I haven't been as up front as I should be. I'm here for you, Thane. Whatever you need."_

Those words echoed through the bright, blank place he went when he meditated. It was a gentle caress on his consciousness that, though pleasant in theory, made it very difficult to lose himself completely.

Those words, dancing playfully around him like a swarm of butterfly kisses, tickled his senses and kept making him aware of his body. After one more valiant attempt at his meditation, he finally opened his eyes and relaxed back into his limbs, flexing fingers and toes slowly to reestablish all his tactile connections.

It seemed that, until he settled things in his mind concerning this matter, he would be at odds with his own consciousness. He was pleased with the Commander's interest in him, but it also haunted him with all the nervous uncertainty that came with that soft, insinuated promise.

He had never felt any attraction to a member of another species before, and he had never dreamed he would find another companion that would rival, (if not surpass) his Irikah in spirit and passion, but he was captivated by this Commander Shepard.

She was fierce and determined, with the skill to back up any mission she was set to. She was also compassionate and full of empathy for the innocent, the victims of the evil men and villains that were spread throughout this galaxy. Though she swept through the stars like a white lightning tsunami she was very careful to make sure those visited by her destruction were deserving, and went out of her way to help those in need, no matter how big or small the tasks asked of her.

She tried to do the right thing in every situation, which some might mistake as a sign of weakness. She was anything but weak, however. Those who had made the mistake of calling her bluff and forcing her hand had discovered she had a core of ruthless efficiency.

They were alike in so many ways. They both favored the use of a sniper rifle; they both had talent with hand to hand combat and weren't afraid to get up close and personal. When it came to dealing death, she was not as fluid and graceful as he was, but, then again, few beings were, but she was efficient and talented, nonetheless.

Her spiritual side was more subtle and reserved, but no less a part of the core of her being. The thing that drove them both was a deeply held belief in the intrinsic nature of right and wrong and the need to leave the world a better place.

As far as life and death were concerned, they were two sides of the same coin. She had died, spent two years not existing on this plane, and then been revived, given a second chance at life. Shepard had never told him in detail, but he knew what she had experienced during the time of her death had been both extraordinary and upsetting. She had been irrevocably changed by those events. He, on the other hand, was approaching his death. With his own termination so obviously present in his near future in a way that few beings got to experience, his own perspective had been altered, as well.

Shepard was a comfort to him, a testament to peace after death, while he was a constant reminder to her of the value of life and the gift of every day. Their souls resonated together in a way that made him excited, delighted, terrified, nervous, dizzy, thrilled and nauseous, all at once, and by some miracle of the universe, she seemed to feel it, too.

He did not want to screw this up.

At least he was on familiar territory, now. He had a target, and Thane Krios knew how to handle a target. Although infinitely more complex, he suspected the logistics of finding out about humans and the best way to go about making one your mate was relatively the same as scouting out an assassination target. You had to learn the ins and outs of their life, their daily routine, their likes and dislikes, a background check to examine cultural and religious beliefs. He had the welcome advantage of knowing the target quite well already. Most of those things he knew from up close and personal experience.

What he was most unfamiliar with was the intimate practices of the human species. His experience with the new up and coming species in the galaxy was limited, but it was only a matter of research, and he excelled at research.

Thane flicked his wrist and watched his omni-tool blaze to life. With a few quick strokes he was logged into the Normandy's information network. He signed into his personal extranet account and opened his preferred search engine.

On the small screen the entry field sat waiting. He typed **Query: human mating rituals** and hit enter. The screen was then filled with a list of links for articles or information archives that were tagged with the information, or information similar, to his typed query:

human courtship, human intercourse, dating, social theory, commercial dating services, anthropological studies of mating rituals throughout history, human mating behavior, human mating season, human mating video, mating rituals of the earthbound human, human mating dance, dolphin mating human, psychology project: human mating rituals and you, social basis of human sexual behavior (see more)

He blinked slowly at the variety of topics. Apparently human social behaviors were more intricate than those of his own species. He selected the first link for human courtship. He was directed to an archive of data on the known council species.

The entry read: Courtship is the word used to describe the beginning stages of an interpersonal relations that precede any permanent commitment or enduring agreements between the couple. It is the stage of the relationship where two people get to know each other in order to judge compatibility on many levels. Courtship may be either a public, formal arrangement with the approval of family or informal and private between two people. Traditionally, especially in the case of a formal engagement, it is the role of the male to actively seek acceptance and "woo" or "court" the female in hopes of his marriage proposal being received favorably, though distinct gender roles have had declining strictness and importance for over the last century.

At this he skimmed to the bottom. The one thing he did know about his relationship with Shepard was that it was anything but traditional. At the bottom of the entry there were more possible links. They included: matchmakers, arranged marriages, Omiai, Xiangqin, Victorian courtship etiquette, sexual revolution, feminist movement, extranet dating, speed dating, gradual exclusivity dating, dating coaches, long distance dating, sociofinancepsychoemotinalse xualbiometic profiling, human relationships: romance, (see more)

The last word, romance, was one his translation software struggled with, but it's rough equivalent in his own language was "emotions or actions between two thoughtful, passionate partners". He considered this and then typed **Query: define: romance.**

He had been hoping for a more specific definition of the word. He got more than he bargained for. The screen now read: definition: romance

noun

1. a love affair, esp. an intense and happy but short-lived affair involving young people

2. love, esp. romantic love idealized for its purity or beauty

3. a spirit of or inclination for adventure, excitement, or mystery

4. a mysterious, exciting, sentimental, or nostalgic quality, esp. one associated with a place

5. (Literary & Literary Critical Terms) a narrative in verse or prose, written in a vernacular language in the Middle Ages, dealing with strange and exciting adventures of chivalrous heroes

6. an extravagant, absurd, or fantastic account or explanation

7. (Music, other) a lyrical song or short instrumental composition having a simple melody

verb

1. to tell, invent, or write extravagant or romantic fictions

2. to tell extravagant or improbable lies

3. to have romantic thoughts

4. (of a couple) to indulge in romantic behavior

5. to be romantically involved with

Once again, at the bottom of the entry there were further related links.

He read: romantic love, film genre: romantic comedy, romantic behavior, romantic holidays, Romantic Era, Romantic Languages, chivalry, (see more)

Thane frowned. The variety of definitions was mind-boggling, or would be for the less mentally diligent. He was determined to wade through the complete gambit of the intricacies of human social expectations if it killed him. He selected the link for "romantic behavior".

He was presented with the following list which included links to more specific information that included: walks on the beach, candlelit dinner, xoxoxo (hugs and kisses), sending flowers, giving gifts, stolen kisses, _Kama sutra_, shoulder massage, Valentine's Day observance, _Hearts and Rose Petals: A Gentleman's Guide to Traditional Romance_, opening the hover-car door, putting down the toilet seat.

The list was quite lengthy and, while reading it, Thane experienced a new emotion, something he had never before felt in his entire life: intimidation. However, he was nothing if not courageous and persistent. He waded in, determined not to fail.

* * *

Six hours and the drell equivalent of a migraine later, Thane shut down his omni-tool. His mind was a furious hurricane of images ranging from disembodied circulatory organs and the severed reproductive parts of earthling vegetation, to primitive projectile wielding infants with tiny wings and minimal clothing. It seemed even humans were confused about what constituted romantic behavior, with tastes that varied from the simperingly saccharine to the hardcore, consensually violent, and abusive. It was a miracle the species had ever managed to procreate at all. If the members of the species themselves were so conflicted about what comprised an interpersonal relationship, how was he supposed to understand enough to initiate one with the Commander?

He could count on one hand the number of times he'd faced defeat in his entire life, but he was dangerously close to surrendering now. Human emotions were essentially a minefield, dangerous to those who were familiar with the territory. He, an outsider and literal alien, was doomed.

"I may have a suggestion."

The stiffly inflected voice filled the room with a suddenness that, were he not the cool, calm, collected professional that he was, would have had him jumping half out of his seat. His bone-deep training prevailed, and he managed to suppress a startled reaction. Instead, he merely quirked an eyebrow and tilted his head inquiringly.

"Forgive my intrusion," the AI continued, "but I couldn't help but notice a trend in your recent data inquires."

His biometrics must have twitched in suspicion because, despite the fact that he did not move a muscle, the voice continued to explain defensively.

"I have been programed by my Cerberus employer to monitor all extranet and internal network traffic. I literally could not help noticing."

"You mentioned a suggestion?" Thane prompted after a few moments of indecision shrouded in awkward silence.

"Yes," the voice agreed, sounding, if he wasn't mistaken, slightly relieved, "I have been studying human interaction since my awakening as a sentient AI over two years ago. I have taken data samples from both my own personal observations as well as from archived information files including both the documented reports on research done by many different species, including humans themselves, as well as the fictional entertainment files that were comprised of musical, literary, and video forms of media. I have observed Commander Shepard personally since she was brought aboard the Normandy and I believe I have developed an understanding of her emotional preferences."

Patient as ever, the drell assassin waited. When she failed to continue, Thane wrapped one hand around the other and leaned his elbow on the table in front of him. "What is your conclusion? What do you think I should do?"

"It is simple," EDI said in her artificially casual way, "Tell her how you feel."

Thane tilted his head the other way and frowned slightly. "Interesting. Is that all?"

"You might also wish to study the link on Kama Sutra."

"Very well," he agreed after another moment of terse silence. "I will contemplate your suggestion." After another moment of quite consideration he added, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." EDI replied, sounding more human than ever. Had she had a body, he was certain it would have been smiling.

* * *

He took EDI's advice. The next time Shepard came to his little corner of the ship he made his confession. He told her of hunting down Irikah's killers and then having nothing left to live for. He explained his state of mind when she had arrived on the scene, and how, as his siha, she had saved him from the death his body had accepted, first by challenging his abilities, then by giving him this last mission, a purpose, and finally, by giving him something to live for again. He confessed his feelings for her as well as his reservations about their differences.

He was his usually succinct and eloquent self on the outside. On the inside, his heart was hammering.

Shepard's face lit up with a quiet smile that reached down into his chest and circled his heart in a warm shimmering glow. He suddenly understood why that particular organ featured so prominently with human's when it came to romantic emotion.

"I'm not sure we know each other well enough to call it love," she said, almost shyly, as she reached across the table and took his hands in hers, "but I feel it, too, something more than friendship."

Her hand was oddly smooth against his own, textured skin, but he found the sensation to be not unpleasing.

"I've never felt affection for another species. I'm not sure what to do now."

There was a small lowering of Shepard's lashes as she replied, the corner of her mouth creasing deeper on one side. "We'll just have to figure it out." She ran one finger along the indentation that dipped between the joint of his fused middle fingers. His pulse quickened and he felt an electric jolt of pleasure shoot up his arm.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one that had done his homework. Suddenly, his fear of their differences evaporated like mist in a Rakhanan wind. "I look forward to the memories," he said, and for the first time in a long time, he felt himself smile.


End file.
